Lost In Bleak Visions
by S.Montana
Summary: (Set during S9) Mulder left and is now hiding somewhere secret. No one knows where he is or maybe somebody actually knows and lies about it very well.
1. Still human

**Hello there! Here I come back with a new fanfiction I just wrote. **

**Happening during S9 but way different from what really happened in CC version. **

**I hope you enjoy it! **

« Any news concerning Mulder? »

« Of course not, why would I? Should I remind you he is hiding for the sake of his own life, Agent Doggett? »

« No need to be so defensive, Scully. I was just wondering. »

« Well, you don't need to. »

Angry, Scully left the basement office. She could not do this anymore. Lying had never been her_ forte_ and she knew Doggett and Reyes were very suspicious concerning her recent behavior. Even if she really tried to act normally, she could not deny not being the same these days. She wanted to be honest with her colleagues but she could not, Mulder had been very clear about it all. If she were to talk, she could put everyone in danger and that was out of the question.

Later that day, once back at her place with William now sleeping, Scully could not stop thinking about the recent events of her life. So many things had changed. So many lies had been created so lives could be saved. Scully wondered how long she could keep on doing this. How long could she pretend living the life she was actually not living at all? When would that change? All she wanted was a peaceful life with William and Mulder. That was all she asked for. Nothing more, nothing less.

While cooking, Scully received a text. She knew who it was from. Taking a deep breath, the red haired dried her hands and grabbed the phone she could only use to contact him. Or, for that matter, the other way around.

**Same place ; 11:27**

As she closed her eyes, Scully tried to convince herself that way of living was not permanent, that things would change sooner or later. They could not go on like this forever anyway, that she knew.

As usual, Scully deleted the text and locked the phone so no one could use it. Stupid password she had trouble remembering herself.

_It will be easier that way._

But for whom?

**A very short first chapter, I know. **

**But what follows will be longer, I promise. :) **


	2. Hold on to me

The time on her watch was clear, it was _time_.

Trying to stay as calm as possible, Scully could not help herself fidgeting. Even though she was now used to those clandestine meetings, the agent could not stop being afraid. What if someone had followed her? Of course not, it was impossible and she knew it, she was being way too careful for that to ever happen. And this warehouse had been dropped years and years ago. There was no risk, no risk at all.

« Dana- » said a voice in the shadow.

Startled, Scully turned around but did not approach the voice until she saw his face. That done, she ran into his arms, her lips crashing against his in a matter of seconds. First on her cheeks, both his hands landed against Scully's waist so he could lift her up. Her first reflex was to wrap her legs around his waist and kiss him even harder.

« God I missed you. »

« You still can call me Mulder, you know, » the man replied, a smile on his lips now appearing.

« It's been so long, » Scully murmured before kissing him again.

« I know. » Was Mulder's one and only answer before letting Dana get back on her feet. « I missed you. God, you have no idea. »

« Trust me. I do, » she whispered, tears now rolling on her cheeks.

« Don't. Please, don't cry because of me, Dana. » Mulder said, trying to dry her tears with his thumbs. All he wanted for her was happiness, nothing else. She deserved so much more than that shitty life they were buried in at the moment.

« How long this time? »

Mulder closed his eyes and put his forehead against hers. He did not want to answer this, he could not. Not again. All that meant was that their time would end soon, again. And Mulder could not deal with it. Not yet.

« Talk to me, Mulder. Please. I am here. »

« 42 minutes before someone manages to locate me. »

Forty-two minutes. Not even an hour. What on Earth had they done to deserve this? All Scully wanted was for Mulder was to finally be able to come home to her and their son. She could tell William was missing his father. Maybe this was all in her head but she swore she could read in her son's eyes the sadness of the missed one.

« Tell me about him, » Mulder said in a whisper before he kissed her cheek tenderly.

**Hey! I know, I know. It's still quite short but I wrote it last night and that is what came to me. No worries, the next chapter will be there tomorrow. I hope you like it- Also, I am sorry if there are mistakes. I tend to make some when I write too rapidly. I just could not wait to share this new chapter with you, guys.**


	3. One step at a time

**Hello folks! I hope you are all doing great! :) I am sorry this chapter took so long ; work and real life can be very tricky sometimes. **

**I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter. **

**S xxx **

« He looks so much like you, Mulder. His smile, it's yours. Every time I talk about you, he smiles. It's like he knows. » Scully started saying, the tears falling once again.

« I miss him so much, » Mulder murmured before hugging her tenderly. « I miss you both so damn much, Dana. »

Their embrace lasted what looked like an eternity and a second at the same time. Even though they had met secretly several time already since Mulder left, Scully always had the impression it was never going to happen again, that something terrible was going to happen. And she could not allow this. Never.

« Come home. » It was not a leap of faith but Dana Scully begging for mercy. She was so tired, so sad. She needed Mulder by her side. She needed him to be a father and not just a ghost to their little boy.

« You know I can't do that, Dana. »

Since William's birth, he would never stop calling her Dana. As if the birth of their first child had changed everything. Maybe it had. Maybe Scully was the one not seeing it just yet. Maybe their relationship was at a brand new level now.

« I am lost without you, » she murmured. « I am not sure I can do this without you. »

« Of course you can. There's no discussion over this. But it does not mean I want you to face it all alone. I promised you I'd come back and I will. Do you hear me? I will. »

« He's almost one, already. Where have those last months been, Fox? »

They both looked at each other straight in the eyes when she used his first name. The last time she had done such thing was years ago, literally. Mulder stroked her cheek tenderly and kissed her forehead.

« I feel paralyzed without you. » Scully said, closing her eyes while her hands clenched onto Mulder's jacket.

« You are so much stronger than I will ever be. » He automatically responded, both his hands back on her cheeks so she'd look at him. « Look at you, the mother of my child. I could not be prouder of you, Dana. »

« Take us with you. »

« Wh- What? »

« Let's get out of here, you, me, and Will. »

« Dana we- »

She had not stopped crying, she could not hold the tears back any longer. Being with Mulder even for a few minutes was her only escape, the only way for her to let it all go. In front of her mother or her colleagues back to the FBI, there was no way she could show her real sadness. So she put on an act, a perfect one. One everyone believed. But how long would that work? How long would Scully be capable of pretending?

**To be continued...**


	4. Let me save you

**Hello folks! Let me apologise for the time it took me to give you this new chapter.**

**Life is getting a bit out of control these days but I promise you all that I intend of finishing this story.**

**Take care and enjoy! **

**Sx**

« You know we can't do this. It's too risky, too dangerous for you both out there. »

« Let's just leave the country. What about Canada? We've always wanted to go there. Or Europe! Let's get the hell out of here, » she said, only wishing for one thing: a positive answer.

Mulder could hear Scully's despair in her voice. She meant every word, she actually wanted to leave with him and the baby. She was ready to leave it all behind them so they could finally live happily, away from all the darkness surrounding them.

« What about your mother? You could not do that to her, you know it, Dana. »

« She'd understand. She could even join us, one day. Or go to California to be near Bill and Tara. She knew I'd be safe with you. That we'd be safe with you. »

« But what if I am as dangerous as I think I am? I could not accept anything happening to you. It's impossible. No- No we can't do that. »

« Don't do that to me, please. I can't live like this anymore. »

Being the man he was, Mulder knew better. Right now, the man knew Scully would do anything to make him change his mind so they would leave all together. But that would not happen. It was way too dangerous and, right now, she was just driven by her emotions. Nothing else. She was such a strong woman, she could do anything.

Well decided on making Scully change her mind, Mulder took a deep breath and put both his hands on her shoulders.

« Do you remember our first case together? »

Not understanding where he was going with this, Scully simply nodded while trying to fight back her new tears. She was so fed up of crying.

« When you arrived in my room that night to check on your back because of those mosquito bites, I fell in love with you. That's all it took me. You, trusting me enough to get into my room half naked so I could check on you. Dana, you have no idea what you did to me. I am not the same man thanks to you. Even when I lose it completely, you bring me back because that's what you do. You save me. Damn, you saved me so many times I cannot count them. Today, I need you to let me save you, do you understand? »

**To be continued...**


	5. I love you, baby

**Hello everyone! I am sorry it took me so long to post this new chapter. Life can get crazy sometimes, I swear.**

**With a bit of luck, I will post the 6th and last chapter pretty soon.**

**Take good care of you all.**

**Sxx**

The next morning, when she woke up, Dana Scully felt a hole in her chest. Did someone steal her heart? Yes. Fox William Mulder did. Last night, when they had seen each other for a few minutes, she really had thought they would leave together with their newborn. But no. It did not happen. Mulder had left. Without her. Without William. He had left without them for a reason. One she hated but one she knew was the best for them.

Baby cries got her out of bed. Actually, except for her son, nothing would have been able to make her do that today. She did not want to face the rest of the world. She simply could not. If only the baby had been able to take care of himself, Dana Scully would have hidden herself under the covers until the next day.

Not accepting her current fate, the red-haired almost ran to William's room.

« Hey my beautiful boy. Don't cry now, » she whispered before she took the baby in her arms. « Are you hungry, baby? »

Strangely enough, William had slept pretty well last night. Maybe he knew how tired his mother was. Maybe he could feel her despair. Maybe he could even feel her sadness.

« I saw daddy last night and he loves you so much, Will. I promise you, you will see daddy very soon. »

That was a lie but she could not accept the idea of Mulder not seeing his own son for months. Damn, she could hardly accept not seeing him for months but when it came to their newborn...it was even worse. William did not deserve being so far away from his father. God knew he deserved so much more than this.

« Let's get you to eat, shall we, baby? »

Kissing William's temple, Scully ignored her own tears. It was no time for sadness. Her son needed her. Mulder had been very clear last night: William was the priority. They had to protect him.

« You are safe, » she whispered, her lips pressed against William's head. « Daddy is doing his best to assure that and so I am. »

Looking at her son straight in the eyes, Scully almost felt like the baby had understood what she had just said. It was impossible, though. Right?

« I love you so much, baby boy. »

William made little sounds with his mouth, as if he was answering his mother.

_You are losing it, Dana,_ Scully thought to herself. He is just a baby.

But was he just?


End file.
